"Me Time"

I was rushing out of the co-op social because I planned to go to the gym, skype Riley and go to bed relatively early that night. While saying goodbye to everyone, Sam introduced me to Kristina, so I explained to her how I need to go home and work out since I haven't had a chance all week, being occupied by French class, going out, French homework, skyping boy friend and parents. As I was just going to take off, she made her statements that shocked me - "Woah! Take it easy girl! Why are you so intense? Are you always on the go?" I didn't know what to respond to her... Wow, I thought I was very self-aware of what I am up to. But apparently someone I met for the first time is more aware of my mentality than me... I paused for a second and said: "Ya, I guess so..." I talked to her for a while before actually taking off. I felt nakedly exposed to her, but I was very glad I did.

On my way home, I started self-reflecting on how much "Me time" I have every week. "Me-time" meaning I am not interacting with others, not trying to finish a task, but being with my self and enjoy doing it. I remember telling Ryan how I am the kind of person that always needs attention and love from my environment, and I get energy from being around people. He responded to me: why don't you give yourself lots of love and get energy internally. I couldn't picture myself being such a introvert, but I see a valid point. Working in an environment where people are constantly moving around, talking on the phone, yelling across the room or through speakers as common forms of communication. I am constantly stimulated and excited. It is perfect for my personality. However, I have had a lifestyle of being highly stimulated outside of work as well. I do start to find that exhausting. In the day, the livelihood of the office get me charged with energy; while after work, the similar environment might start to drain me as there is a optimal level to everything. I watched a movie alone on my couch, with chips' company last Friday. I actually felt very good.
Right now, I am also sitting on my couch, having the "Me time". Looking out, it's gorgeous! Sunshine, water, sail boats and kayaks, people jogging, walking their dogs. Everyone needs some "Me-time" and weekend is perfect for it.

Creative or inpatient

All week last week, I have been trying to be efficient at work so that I can go home when it's still bright out and spend some quality time with myself. I was able to cook, work out, draw and read almost every night- I was proud. However, I realized that I haven't been able to follow the recipe for cooking or the Zentangle book for tangling step by step. I had such an obvious tendency of preferring to create than to follow instructions. I made my delicious salad breakfast with spinach, yogurt, fresh raspberries, mixed nuts, and maple flavoured granola- simple perfect to start my day fresh. I also made a casserole dish putting together whatever I had in my fridge and pantry. It ended up being the most delicious casserole dish I have ever had. It came with peking duck and roasted chicken leftovers, broccoli, eggplant, mushrooms, bacon, pasta, coconut milk and chilli pepper, soy, cheese. The sauce was creamy yet not overly heavy, the natural flavour from Peking duck blended with coconut milk, it naturally became a Malaysian cuisine. I didn't even plan it. It was like a beautiful new-born baby, adding surprise and joy to the household.

When I first tried out Zentangle, the instruction was very clear that I should try out the examples. I took a quick peak of the examples and just started drawing away. All I cared about was the moment of focusing each stroke I put down and follow the path I was mindfully tracing. I was amazed how drawing is like a freestyle speech, where the speaker definitely does a better job when he/she is more confident; I believed that I was a creative person and went free-styling in tangling. The final result was not too perfect. But I enjoyed being in the moment and work my way through. That reminded me of my first couple weeks of internship in the summer. Everything was new, I had to push myself to believe that I can do this before doing every new task, and that really has been the best mentality to have at work.
Meanwhile, if my dad is here, I think he will take his rational eyes and point out my weaknesses. He would say: "Baby, you have to recognize that you are not a very patient person! You can't even draw a simple zentangle step by step. Your attention span is too short!" Growing up under my dad's Chinese style negative re-reinforcement education system, I have developed the tendency to self-criticize and self-doubt. When things are going well, I would automatically tell myself exactly what my dad would normally tell me. Sometimes that hinders my level of self-efficacy; but most times, it has been something very important to me, without which I might feel too good about myself. Anyways, back to the creative vs inpatient topic. I think I am both of those; however what matters more is that I don't have to be inpatient to be creative~In order to demonstrate creativity in arts or cooking or life in general, being calm and patient is key to achieve a lot of things without pity.

Thus, I do need to work on my patience towards things that doesn't go my way. Doing Zentangle step by step would definitely be my first step towards that goal.

The Joy of Breakfast

Breakfast has always been my favorite meal. Riley never understood why fancy Italian restaurant might not impress me while many cheap breakfast places always fill me with joy and excitement. To me, it's simply because breakfast is the first meal of the day, my brain is activated the moment I have breakfast. Out of various options, Eggs benedicts are my favorites. Hollandaise sauce has this magical power to add flavor to pouched eggs without overpowering them. The flowing texture in pouched eggs also fascinates me, warmth paired with creaminess- nothing can  be more comforting than that.
Due to my craziness for bennies, before I even got a cookbook, I tried to make eggs bennies from scratch. Pouched eggs and Hollandaise sauce are both very challenging to make from what I heard. I thought if I could successfully make these two things in my first try, that would be the most rewarding thing in the world. Youtube videos really come handy when it comes to "How to" questions. Apparently, vinegar and spinning motion in the water are the secret to Pouched eggs. When my friend Sahika pulled an egg in the spinning water, it really looked unpleasant, I was very nervous about it because it appeared to me that the spinning motion was too weak to hold an egg together, most of the egg white were very spread out. Sahika even made the comment that it looked like a fetus...we were both grossed out in the first 5 seconds...Believe it or not, it actually worked! (see the picture below) We were so excited that we were clapping to ourselves. This is the same joy as when I made money trading US treasuries.

Hollandaise sauce was much easier actually, except for the fact that it takes forever for the egg yolks to turn to a lighter color. But it's all about love and patience when it comes to gourmet cooking. Rushing would most likely result in bad quality or even failure, which is counterproductive.Life is also like that, whether it's studying or working or being in a relationship. Taking it slow when necessary will surprisingly generate better results. It is essential to keep the temperature of the steam moderate. A cloth between the water pot and the sauce container is the key. The last step is to integrate butter into egg yolks. It is pretty fun dripping melted butter drop by drop into the egg yolk while whisking the egg yolks. The fun part is to observe texture of egg yolks thickening to form into exactly what hollandaise sauce should look like. Again, a sense of achievement arises. 

My style in cooking is to load as many tasty items as I can to one dish and put chilli pepper in pretty much everything. Final result is always satisfying. Multi-grain bagel+Cream cheese+pouched egg+smoked salmon+saute mushrooms+avocado+spicy hollandaise sause= Tiffany's Benny. Voila! Quite the success!